Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Don't Sweater It!

For those of you who don't live in warmer climates, you may have noticed it's November. And it gets cold in November. Luckily, there's this great invention that I love, and it's called a sweater. And there are lots of great sweaters out there. Unfortunately though, sweaters need to be picked according to one's shape. I found that out the hard way when I thought I could wear big, hipstery, potato-sack sweaters with ease like my much-smaller, waif-like little sister.
I couldn't. It looked like I was smuggling watermelons under a colorful knitted sack.
And as I start to see sweaters out and about, I realize that looking for a flattering sweater is actually a lot harder than it looks.
Trying on all that knitwear can be very frustrating.

So, to make it easier for y'all,  I tried to match sweaters to body types. Then, halfway through, I realized that there are quite a few body types that affect how a sweater looks, such as:
1. Tall and slender with a larger bust. What do they call that? The Vertical Camel?
2. Short with curves. The Mini Cactus?
3. Larger shoulders.

Then I realized: Sweaters just cover your torso. It's your torso. So let's concentrate on different areas of the torso that affect how a sweater looks.

Let's start with boobs. It all starts with boobs.

Smaller bust:
Lucky jerks, you can wear all the high-necked stuff I like. Turtlenecks, crewnecks, boatnecks, the world is your oyster. Higher necklines tend to flatter those with a smaller chest, and makes you look curvier, something us big-chested gals most certainly do not need.

Acne Studios Sapata Twist Marled Crewneck Pullover ($168) found on Polyvore
Slouchy Boatneck Knit, 100% cashmere.
Jerks. I'm very jealous of all of you. You can go braless whenever you want, you can......Never mind. The point is, you can get away with a lot, and not just sweater-wise. Embrace high necklines, ladies.

Larger busts
Shoutout to all my ladies with back problems! Unfortunately ladies, we cannot rock those ever-so trendy, boxy knit things lest we run the risk of looking like a fruit smuggler. And no one wants to look like a fruit smuggler. The best styles for us are v-necks, wraps, and square necklines are for us.
Yum. J. Crew.
J.Crew Featherweight cotton V-neck sweater ($40) found on Polyvore
On wrap sweaters- make sure the wrap doesn't sit too high, or it could cut between your breasts and make you look like some kind of medieval barmaid. Play around with the fit a little.
chocolate square neck cable front jumper

Short torsos
I have only one tip: NOTHING CROPPED. EVER. If you have a shorter torso, cropped sweater will not only make you look shorter, they will hit you at one of the least flattering parts of the body, the stomach. Just don't touch crops unless you're planning to tuck it into something high-waisted. Pretty much any other length works, just no crops. Peplum springs to mind here.

Peplum Sweater Long-Sleeve
Long torso gals, I can't really think of anything you can't wear.......Hmm.........Well, then go ahead, wear whatever you think looks best, I guess.

I will say a few things about prints.
Sweaters with wide, horizontal stripes might be cute, but they make anyone and everyone look wider, no matter the neckline. If this is what you want, go for it. If not, stay away.
 Mossimo Supply Co. Juniors Hi Low Striped Sweater - Assorted Colors
Busy, crazy, Bill-Cosby-style creations draw attention to literally everything. If you're confident to go out like that, then kudos to you, hun.
Colorfule sweater
Classic Fair Isle sweaters come in many different shapes and sizes, but they're a cold-weather essential. Shop around, look for what fits you best.
JCrew Fair Isle Ski Sweater

The only universally flattering sweater "print" I can think of is the oatmeal knit. Its neutral texture looks good on everyone. Just avoid the itchy kinds.

oatmeal sweater
Well, that's all I've got for this week, ladies. Stay warm and pretty, and listen to Sweater Weather by the Neighborhood.