Sunday, October 16, 2011

Skank-Free Animal Print

Animal print. it's one of those things that women put on to feel confident, most likely because the most recognizable prints belong to ferocious animals, such as the tiger and the leopard. I myself have coldcocked my cheating boyfriend, bitched out my mortal enemy, and won a catfight while wearing animal print. Tiger, to be specific

However, animal print can also bring out the inner prostitute, drag queen, and all-around ho in people.
Like this.

I have no idea who in their right mind would wear that, but you know who you are.

1. Never mix prints. Ever. There is wiggle room for this on florals, dots and stripes, but not so with animal print. Nu-uh.
2. The piece of clothing CANNOT BE A SECOND SKIN. Either fitted or loose.
3.Pair the print with black, white, or gray. Red (but not too much. Too much Red + Animal Print = Lingerie)  and denim are okay too. If you are able to find a color that works besides this, congratulations. Call Anna Wintour to brag. On second thought, don't. She's a very busy person.
4. NO METALLICS. Never, ever. Metallics and animal print makes a statement. A statement that says, "YO, STAY OFF MY CORNER, BITCH!"
5. Try to shy away from animal print jackets. They make the aforementioned statement.


This is an example of how animal print can work......for work, without looking like the office tramp. Pair the piece with a pencil skirt or slacks, and keep everything else neutral.


This dress, in a tasteful leopard, paired with the jacket, is a unique yet dressy look, perfect to stand out in a sea of LBDs. Blazers and cardis work too, but leather jackets can be iffy. Only wear a leather jacket and animal print together if you want people to be intimidated.


The vest and oxfords dress down this look, which can be dressed up for anything.

Remember the rules and unleash your inner beast!
Too cheesy? I think so, but it had to be said.